My Great Escape : Busting out of Chronic Hip FAI Pain: What NOT to say to young people with Chronic Pain

For those of you in the age range of 18 to 49 yrs, living with chronic pain or a chronic illness, you've probably heard some frustrating shit-ass remarks from people concerning your condition. Sometimes they'll say anything just to say something, give advice (useless or not) or they'll say a little story that has nothing to do with your condition.

These idiots, well most that I have met, DO NOT:

A) Know what they're talking about.
B) Have a chronic pain condition.
C) Have a clue about what FAI is.
D) Have anything nice to say (some of them).
E) All of the Above.

Personally, I've heard some pretty awful rubbish talk from friends, family, co-workers, doctors, boyfriends and even from strangers. I've noticed that some people say things just to try and relate to my condition, even though they haven't a clue what I'm going through. Most don't do it on purpose or they don't think twice before saying something that might be ill-taken by the person with chronic pain. Others are what I call the "Know-it-all Fixers", they'll tell you to take vitamin X Y and Z because it helped someone they know or they'll say something like "you just need to sleep it off".

Here's are some of the things I find people shouldn't say to young people with chronic pain (from FAI or other conditions):

Incompatible Stories:

1- I know a 80 year old who got a hip replacement and was on her feet walking the next couple days after.
You're young and should have a speedy recovery.

Sometimes, old folks just suck!

My Reply: My surgeries are to actually SAVE my hips to skip having a hip replacement (arthroplasty) and in Canada, they put arthroplastic surgeries at a max 6 month wait for old folks whereas I have 8-9 months to wait, in pain, for a hip arthroscopy to take care of my FAI. I'll then be off my feet for weeks before I re-learn how to walk (depending on how fast I heal). It's not comparable.

2- My friend has cancer and chemo made her lose her hair, at least you don't have cancer and still have your hair.
My Reply: It took 4 years to get my diagnosis. If I had cancer, I would have croaked before the doctors found what it was, enough said.

3- You don't sleep well? I have a baby and I have to get up at night to feed him and I don't sleep much either.
You just have to suck it up.

My Reply: My sleep is poor because the pain wakes me up, I'm exhausted, in pain and I rarely miss a day of work (I drag myself there sometimes). You made a choice to have a baby, I didn't have a choice to have or not have pain. I have 8-9 months to wait for a hospital visit where I'll leave with scars, tons of pain and weeks of immobility. I won't be leaving with a cute bundle of joy like most gals my age.

4- I broke my arm once and it was so painful, I know how you feel.
My Reply: I'll bet my hat your pain went away completely after the normal "short term" healing period for your fracture and it didn't ruin your life in the long run. That's ACUTE pain. CHRONIC pain is a whole other ball-game especially when you have it for years. So NO you don't know how I feel.

Useless Advice:

1- Have you tried ***name an alternative medicine***.
My Reply: Well I tried Aromatherapy a.k.a "Smelling Myself Better". My house now smells like coconuts mixed with pine fresh and my pain is still there. Chiropractic adjustments and massages worked well for my back but did nothing for my hips. Surgery remains my best bet for eliminating FAI pain.

2- You should keep doing Kung Fu, it helps get the bad chi (pain/ailment) out of your body.
My Reply: I did 6 years of Kung Fu, the 3 last years I did 6-8 hours of intense training per week. The pain made me stop and I'm glad I did because it was ruining my hip joints more and more. I believe martial arts are great, but it's not a "Cure All" solution, in my case it even made my situation worse.

3- You should ask your doctor to do X, Y and Z or refer you to ***name a medical specialist***
My Reply: I won't/shouldn't have to tell them how to do their jobs. I am currently on a waiting list to have my surgery done by the best FAI Orthopedic-Surgeon in my province. I'm sure I'll have the best care they can possibly give me in the public health care system. Going to private health care would give me the same surgeon, same surgery, same recovery time and drain my finances.

Downright Stupid:

1- You're so young, you can't be sick/in pain!
My Reply: What? I have to wait to be 50+ fucking years old to be considered sick or in pain???

2- Maybe it's all in your head.
My Reply: Right and I'll receive a letter from an owl that will take me to a magical place called Hogwarts.

3- God challenges the ones he loves the most.
My Reply: With that line of thought, I wish God hated me as much as I hate him right now.

4- Things happen for a good reason...
My Reply: No they don't. I don't call having chronic pain that wreaks havoc on my life a good reason. Shit can happen to anyone and sometimes there is no reason or "greater good" for it.

5- Why do you walk like that? ( note: I walk with a limp)