In a previous post, I wrote down the things that people say but shouldn't be saying to people with chronic pain/chronic illness. I've decided to add a post about what people should say (cause some people have no clue what to say).
1) If the person you know with chronic pain doesn't want to chat about
the details of their health problem, respect that! Just say something simple like "Hope thinks
workout well for you" or "Get well soon" or "Take care" and move on. It really gets
under my skin when nosy people from work or estranged family members,
with whom I usually don't have contact with, come up to me and start
playing 20 questions with me about my health. I cut the conversation
short with these people, yet a few of them continue insisting to be in
the know. If you're the one asking the questions to a person with
chronic pain/illness, STOP!!! Stop insisting or fishing for details,
you'll only end up on the #1 spot of the "Gossiping Monkeys' list" (see
previous post "pity party people").
2) Ask the person with chronic pain how they're feeling. Avoid making assumptions like "You look super, you must have little or no pain if you're looking that great!". I've got news for you, you can look like an underwear model and yet your body feels like it was thrown in front of a bus. I wear makeup on most days when I go to work, I smile and keep a happy face. I do it to boost my self esteem and to feel good about myself. I still have pain everyday and unfortunately my makeup and hair mousse don't take the pain away.
3) If your friend with chronic pain has a long wait till treatment or surgery is done, encourage him/her! Show them you're on their side and tell em to "Keep their stick on the ice". I have 8-9 months to wait for surgery (still have 1 or 2 months left to go), it means a lot to hear encouragement from my friends and colleagues.4) If you're good friends or you are close with the person, check in with him/her once in a while. Ask about how other things are going in their life (life isn't only about pain). It's fun to talk about hobbies, activities, etc. and it takes the mind off the pain.
5) Offer to help out the person with chronic pain with things he/she can't do or may have trouble doing. I have colleagues at work that jump in to help me with the heavy boxes I receive at the office. They know I can't move them without paying back with the pain afterwards. Some colleagues who work on the road offer to get me coffee in the morning, cause they know I'm stuck indoors all day and can't get to Starbucks. I get a lot of help from my brother (who's my housemate) with the chores that cause me the most pain (vacuuming, cleaning the floors, carrying a load of laundry, etc.) He volunteers to do them and he helps me so I can do some of the lighter parts of the work.
6)
If your best friend, GF or BF, your sibling, parent or someone you're
very close to has chronic pain or a chronic illness, let them know you
love them and that you're there for them. Just being there when things
get thick means more than you think. Hugs and high fives are also
welcome and needed!7) If all fails, Lasagna works very well too. My mother's friend was taking care of her son's 2 young children after his wife had surgery. My mom's friend isn't so young anymore and she was overwhelmed at just thinking she was going to take care of 2 little tykes for 2 weeks. We made a huge lasagna for her and it gave her a break to not have to prepare dinner for 2 nights. She was very happy and it made her day. Caregivers need some encouragement too.
~ Klau
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