R&R Time : Not the same with FAI pain.

I've been looking forward to my summer holidays and at the same time dreading them. It's a complicated feeling, but I'll try and break it down here.


About 3-4 years ago, I looked forward to going on vacation to try new things, see different sites and visit a new country. I used to go in all-inclusive resorts where I could participate in water sports, dancing (I love meringue), walk on the beach for hours a day, go out on excursions and enjoy adventure. That was an exciting time for me, I enjoyed being able to do anything and everything without having pain to limit or punish me after a good time.









I went to the D.R. in 2011 and I had the worst time ever. One week of hell and I blame FAI 100% for it. It was the first time I wasn't comfortable on a 4+ hour flight, sitting for a long time flared up the pain. I couldn't walk for too long before I'd get pain and my hotel room was "conveniently" located the furthest from the beach, restaurants and activity center of the resort. Kiss those long beach walks goodbye! I went horseback riding and it was only 20 minutes, but for the first time ever, riding a horse was uncomfortable and caused pain. 









I haven't gone back on vacation ever since FAI ruined my 2011 beach vacation. Last summer I visited my family out west and once again the 4 hour flight wasn't super for my hips. I've decided this year to go out west again, endure the 4 hour flight and tell FAI to fuck off. I'm gonna try sitting differently in my seat, get up and stretch a bit more and if I need to, I'll just pop a pain pill and forget about it.








Next challenge, what the hell am I gonna do on my vacation? My FAI pain kinda cuts a lot of things off the list, including any place that requires a long car trip, lots of walking or standing. I don't want to do the same stuff I do on weekends (lounge around on the couch) but I also don't want to do things that will cause more pain and disappoint me in the long run.















I was supposed to have my surgery 3 months ago and I wouldn't be in this dilemma if the scumbag medical system worked for young people. I feel like a young adult trapped in a old person's body. I really want to live my youth like everyone else can, but I'm stopped by the limitations of my broken body and I feel trapped in a body that isn't mine. MY body was in the best shape ever, it could do anything and never got tired from pain. MY body was young and NOT BROKEN.

~Klau

     

Haters Gonna Hate

 






I haven't been writing much lately cause a lot has been going on. I imagine that I have some readers who may have been disappointed, but that's real life for ya. I've switched jobs last month because I got fed up with the assholes at my previous position and the supervisors were giving me a hard time all the time. I'm now working in a different office where I don't have to deal with impatient clients who breath down your neck and remind you every 20 minutes that they're still waiting. I have colleagues that are older, more mature and understanding of what living with a health problem means cause some of them have been there before or have a family member for whom they've had to care for.







My new job has created some jealousy. My "ex-best friend" facebook dumped me without any warning the same week my job transfer message got sent throughout the company. Even if I'm there temporarily, she probably thinks I kissed some serious ass to get there when in fact I got treated like dirt so much at the old place that I had to take anything else they could give me and that was it. I could have ended up with a very shitty paper shuffling job but instead they needed extra help in the department I'm now working for because of vacations and absences. 









I haven't talked about the new job to anyone and I show a lot of modesty to avoid jealousy conflicts at my old office. I try and avoid useless conflicts in my life. She's naturally an envious person and I know that the job I'm doing right now is something she wants to do and now she's jealous and possibly pissed off.



I can only imagine her telling me " Oh, you're so LUCKY!" about my job. Yeah that's right, I'm SO LUCKY to have pain every fucking day for almost 5 years, to have had to endure 1 year of workplace hell and then have to wait on a never ending surgical waiting list to get out of the rabbit hole to hell!!! My new job is a godsend or like karma that finally woke up and realized that I had too much bad stuff happening and that my life needed some positive light.







She never understood, nor tried to understand what I'm going through (she seriously lacks empathy). I didn't want to discuss my life with her anymore cause she's on top of fluffy happy clouds and I'm stuck under the rain in a thunderstorm. I had the intention of explaining some things to her in maybe a year from now, but now that option is gone. The way she just acted simply reflects the kind of friend she was and I'm glad it's over, now I don't have to waste my time explaining FAI to yet another disbeliever. I don't need "frenemies" in my life right now or later on.

~Klau